My Acting Career

I'm an actor.

Many of you have known that for years but it was never official.

It is now.

I was chosen from a tremendous throng of auditioners to play the coveted role of Farmer Mark in the blockbuster hit, "Cooking It", scheduled to open in an Escambia County (Pensacola) elementary school this fall.

OK, it wasn't a throng of auditioners, it was more of a mob.

OK, it wasn't a mob, it was very similar to a group.

Fine. There were two of us and we both got the gig. We'll alternate. (But take my word for it, I'm better.)

Nevertheless, it's very exciting for me to resume my acting career at age 63. I say resume because my very promising acting career was cut short sometime around 1962 when the long-awaited production of "West Side Story" scheduled to open at the Hecht House Jewish Community Center was canceled due to the inability of any of the primary actors or actresses to become Puerto Rican. I was going to play Officer Krupke, so don't blame me.

Undaunted by the cancellation, I diligently honed my acting craft at Temple University where for four years I played the role of "someone who was glad to be in Philadelphia." Very challenging!

As a teacher, I worked on my "method" when I took on the role of "someone who cared whether you did your homework." In actuality, I didn't. That's called acting, friends.

There were other roles over the years. Perhaps the most challenging was that of an overweight, bald, middle-age Jewish man. With all the fanatical dedication of a De Niro, I gained 40 pounds and willed myself bald. I was already Jewish, so that part was a breeze. Unfortunately, the part was given to Wilford Brimley and Dom DeLouise, who eventually passed it on to Abe Vigoda. I kept the weight on just in case I was needed to fill in. Acting is in my blood; what can I say?

All of which brings us to the role of Farmer Mark in "Cooking It!" There is no question that this will be my most challenging role to date. The point of the play, which is being underwritten by a grant, is to teach children the benefits of good nutrition and healthy eating habits. My character has a produce wagon and is trying to convince the students to eat fruits and vegetables. Another character, a sexy female named Sugar, tempts the students with donuts, candy, etc. In the end, with the help of a couple of vegetable puppets named Sprout and Broc, good nutrition triumphs over Sugar, and my Rainbow Produce Farm is open for business.

Obviously, it will take an Olivier-esque effort to convince a group of fifth graders that I've ever even been in the same room as a vegetable. If any of the little bas--rds have read this blog, the entire suspension of disbelief will have been suspended.

To prepare for this role, I am going to spend an hour each day in the produce section of my local Winn-Dixie. If that raises any eyebrows, I may be forced to buy something. When I visit Kate, I am only going to bring one donut from Destin's famous Donut Hole Restaurant. Hopefully, she won't notice the powdered sugar residue from the one I ate in the car. I'm going to study the fine art of makeup and costuming to see if I can look like I've lost 40 pounds.

Of course the bane of any actor's existence is the need to memorize lines. While there is no one who respects the written word more than I, (Hey, I'm a blogger for goodness sake) there is very little chance that what I say during a performance will have any connection to the lines as written by the playwrights.

The most I can promise is I'll be in the ballpark.

We call that improvising.

I've been doing it full time since October 1, 2009.

Break a leg and much love,
J