Ada's beautiful, inspirational struggle ended exactly one year ago. I'm spending this day in my rented condo on Navarre Beach, Florida, enjoying the first hints of fall in the air, thinking about our wonderful life together, our family and friends, our joys and our sorrows.
This will be the final entry in this blog. There is a certain symmetry in deciding to end this blog now and I've always been a big fan of symmetry. I like movies and stories that have an ending; I enjoy it when a news program is "wrapped up" by the correspondent; I dislike Picasso's lack of symmetry; I enjoy Hopper's use of it. I like symmetry and ending this blog exactly a year after my dear Ada's passing just feels right to me.
Those of you who have met Kate know that I have been joined by a wonderful companion, who, in her kind, gentle way, has helped me look back and look ahead. The rest of my immediate family, Josh, Matt, Cindy and the twins, are all pursuing their lives beautifully and bravely, despite their huge loss. Ada's brother Bob, his wife Judy, and their wonderful family, are all doing well, moving forward as we are all meant to do. Ditto for my brother Marvin, his wife, Sharon, and their awesome family.
So there isn't much more to be said about us; therefore, the remainder of this entry will be about Ada.
Ada was the best teacher I ever knew. She decided to become a teacher when she was in the fourth grade having been inspired by her own teacher. She never wavered from this goal. She mastered both the craft of teaching (the design of lessons, the jargon, the planning) and the art of teaching (interaction with students and colleagues, creating a learning environment, bringing joy to the process). To Ada teaching was more of a calling than a job or profession. Some people have said that I was pretty good at it. Believe me, I wasn't half the teacher Ada was. Not half.
As Ada became more ill and less able to eat, she became somewhat obsessed with The Food Network. There wasn't a cooking or food show on television that she wouldn't watch. It was as if the shows and their celebrity chefs were providing the only nourishment she could manage. She particularly loved Paula Dean and Giada de Laurentiis. I didn't care about Paula much but I sure didn't mind watching big-headed Giadda with Ada. Watching those rich, exotic foods being prepared and then trying to help Ada ingest a little tea and toast was certainly difficult. I will hate the phrase "pancreatic cancer" until the day I die. When I'm surfing the tv channels and come across Bobby Flay or Rachel Ray, I immediately think of Ada, weak, sleepy, bundled in an afghan, on our trundle bed in New Hampshire, smiling at me sadly, almost apologetically. Sorry, but that's what I see.
Ada loved golf with almost as much passion as I do. She came to it later in life, but had about 10 good years playing this maddening, addictive, beautiful game. When I turned 50 she surprised me with a trip to Myrtle Beach for the two of us. That was our first foray into the idea of a golfing vacation and after that, we were truly hooked. It wasn't long before we were planning golf trips to Florida, North and South Carolina, Georgia, California, Arizona, even Hawaii, Seattle and Utah. Ada loved the excitement and anticipation of playing a new course in pretty surroundings. We suffered through many a boring timeshare presentation because there was some free golf offered at the end of it. One of the best things we ever did was help originate the Mill-man Cup competition with our lifelong friends Rick and Janet Miller. I kept trying to come up with a format that would allow me to win the Mill-man, but Ada was the true Mill-man champion, winning the cup in over half of the competitions. What laughs we had over that damn Mill-man trophy. It's sitting on my tv stand right now and will go with me wherever I may live. Ada had a hole-in-one at The Country Club of New Hampshire in her second year of playing golf. Her scorecard that day was nothing to brag about except for that big ol' 1 on the sixth hole. Whenever I boasted about one of my golfing achievements, she would calmly say, "That's lovely, Joel, but did you have a hole-in-one today?"
Did I forget to mention she was pretty funny too?
Ada loved everything I loved: jazz, tennis, golf, Boston, the Aardvarks, the Red Sox, our kids and grandkids, our friends, Hanover, MA, Grantham, NH, youth soccer, lobster bisque at Kelly's in Weymouth, Thanksgiving, Port Clyde, Maine, average students who tried like hell, W. Yorkshire, England and Majorca, Spain, pizza, pan fried dumplings, Michael Connelly and strong coffee. She loved a couple of things I don't: figure skating and asparagus. That was pretty much it.
I'm moving forward and backward at the same time. Somehow, it doesn't feel like I'm staying in the same place.
Thank you for caring about me and my family. I do love you all.
Ain't life grand?
J
